“Long-distance relationships don’t work.” You’ve heard it so many times that you’ve begun to believe it. Or maybe one of your past relationships ended with you or your partner moving to another city and you found maintaining a solid connection to him tedious. But before you put the kibosh on the entire idea, consider that long-distance relationships offer advantages that same-city relationships don’t. In fact, the long-distance relationship could lead you to right to the man who’s just right for you–as long as you have optimal circumstances. So when are long-distance relationships most likely to work for you?
You live in different cities
Long-distance relationships have an advantage when you both start out living in different cities. Why? Consider how many couples date simply because both live in the same apartment building or work in the same office. Physical proximity gives you the advantage of having your physical needs met, and it also gives you an “activities partner” to make family holidays less tedious. But this is not a solid foundation for love. The man who inspires you to jump on a plane or drive 200 miles so you can be with him is the man whose company you desire despite the inconvenience of distance. When you find yourself wanting to expend additional effort to be with him, that’s a sure sign that something is in the air–and it might be love.
You don’t draw borders
Long-distance relationships are generous with compromise. If a relationship is borne out of convenience, it’s only to be expected that those that rely on proximity will fail–not only if one of you moves away, but simply when someone better comes along. But in the relationship that begins afar, geographical location is irrelevant. Neither partner feels pushed to move to be with the other until they determine which city is most conducive to help them grow as individuals and as a couple. Who knows? He may live in Kansas and you in Illinois, but you decide to make on neutral ground–Texas, Florida, Alaska, no matter. Long-distance lovers who genuinely care for each other aren’t rooted to a city, and they don’t set limits on distance.
You appreciate a beautiful mind
Physical intimacy is considered a “must have” for the proximate relationship-seeker who forms bonds through sex. But sex can also cause you bond with someone arbitrarily–not to mention that intense physical attraction wanes after the dopamine-doped brain defogs. Without sex to befuddle the issue, long-distance lovers get to know each other with clear minds and honorable agendas. Cell phones and the internet make instant communication possible anytime, anywhere. Then there’s always the old-fashioned hand-written love letter. A long-distance relationship requires you to communicate about practical issues, such as how he feels about having children and caring for ailing parents–topics that proximate relationship-seekers avoid.
You favor quality time
Independent singles don’t have to know that there’s someone in the next room breathing in and out to feel secure in a relationship. They have lives independent of their partners and relish their “me” time. But when they’re together, they make the most of that time, and they do it with gusto! Long-distance relationships allow you to spend quality time talking in person and enjoying each other’s physical presence–but also playing tour guide and exploring each other’s “turf.” Each weekend encounter becomes an adventure, creating vivid memories you can share years down the road.
You want genuine commitment
A successful long-distance relationship requires trust, patience and endurance. The long-distance lover doesn’t rush the relationship, but lets it grow at its own rate. And if it doesn’t, that’s okay too–there was nothing lost. If you meet the man who’s willing to invest in you emotionally regardless of whether you live in neighboring cities or across the country, don’t dismiss his affections because your friends shake their heads and tell you, “Long-distance relationships don’t work.” This is the man who is willing to prove to you that he’s willing to go the distance–or at least meet you halfway.